Bride(s) to Be

Being 621 days and 828 miles away from our Wedding Day, it's really hard to do any actual planning. We've done a couple of the "big" things, like securing a venue and our wedding party, but most of what we've done beyond that is hypothetical.  We like to take every chance we can get to do wedding stuff.

For several weeks, every radio station in Charlottesville was advertising a Bridal Show to be hosted by Virginia Bridal Magazine. Having gone to camper shows with my grandparents when I was a kid, my imagination ran wild with how cool this bridal show could be. And, even though we're not getting married in Virginia, we thought we could at least come away with a few more ideas of what we'd like to see on our big day. It's at least fun to get a few chuckles over some of the ridiculousness that is the bridal industry, right? So we paid our $7 and decided to spend our Sunday afternoon wandering through the show.

We walked into the Hilton and expected to find a Rockford Metro Center-sized display of awesome wedding things. Instead, we found a small conference room with maybe 20 vendors inside. The radio ads said there would be cake and catering samples and a mimosa bar.  There was one vendor "sampling" cake; a half a bite of chocolate or vanilla cake is not exactly what I would call "cake samples." And that catering sample? A few pieces of dried cheese and a few mysterious mini quiches. (Note to anyone providing food: PLEASE label what it is. Those quiches contained meat and poor vegetarian Emily got a big mouthful of ham before we realized what was happening).

We were also slapped in the face over and over again with our hetero-normative culture. We somewhat expected it, having to have registered as a bride and "groom" and having to cross "groom" out on nearly everything we use to organize our planning. Really. How hard is it to just write PARTNER instead? We even tried to help everyone out by both painfully obviously sporting our bride to be bands, but "we both are" still became the phrase of the day as every single vendor tried to figure out who the bride was.

The 'Bride to Be' bracelets we received at registration. 

Emily and I are both blessed to be constantly surrounded in environments where we don't have to worry about non-inclusive language. Both of our jobs include teaching inclusive statements and de-gendering literally everything.  We're very used to having everyone around us share these values and make it a point to check themselves and challenge hetero-normativity. When we're thrown into environments where people aren't on that same level, it becomes utterly exhausting to have to constantly out ourselves and awkwardly correct people.  The entire 3.5 hours of this bridal show were filled with just that.

**Special shout out to one of the photography vendors. His partner was starting to sell their services to us, and she started to ask the question, "Who's the bride?" He swooped in and stopped her before she could finish with a "You're both the bride!" and saved us all from that very uncomfortable realization that we are indeed one of the only gay couples in the room.

At the end of the day, there was to be a fashion show of bridal gowns and a drawing for some prizes. Despite the fact that the rest of the show was a bust, we decided to grab another free mimosa from the "mimosa bar" and stay. Maybe we'd at least get a door prize out of it!

Well. They made it through all of the door prizes and we didn't win anything. The next prize they were giving away was "$1000 worth of products and services from Mrs. Virginia USA and her sponsors." I told Emily that I hoped we didn't win it, as it would be super awkward to claim a prize that is irrelevant to a wedding not held in Virginia. I should have bitten my tongue.

Sure enough, Mrs. Virginia's daughter pulled my name out of the bucket. Among the most awkward moments of my life as Mrs. Virginia and the editor of Virginia Bride Magazine went in for a hug and several photos.  At least the crowd recognized me as the gay couple--we definitely had a fan club from the other brides. As I made my way to the stage, several people made comments like "oh my gosh they are so cute, they're together!" and "oh I'm so glad they won!"

I'm even featured on Virginia Bride Magazine's Facebook Page. #famous 

I will say, as awesome as it is to have won, the "prize package" is definitely a little sketchy and awkward for someone who is not getting married in VA. I've got my note and I'm in contact with Mrs. Virginia to "customize my selection of products and services." I will keep you posted for what I actually end up with!

The letter explaining how I'm supposed to claim my prize. 

We knew going into the show that we probably wouldn't get much out of it, except maybe a few ideas of what we'd like to try and DIY based on what others are offering. Instead, we got a whole lot of ideas about what definitely do NOT want to see happen at our wedding, the re-affirmation that we are definitely NOT having a traditional wedding, and we got to spend an afternoon with each other bonding through people watching and people watching us.  And (maybe?) $1000 worth of goods and services from Mrs. Virginia USA. Party!

Why We March

Emily and I volunteered to stand with the SARA (Sexual Assault Resource Agency, where I work) table. It was so inspiring to meet people from all around the area who shared their stories and support with us and our cause.

This is a post about why we march. Why we chose to spend our Saturday at march for women and all people. Why we are doing everything we can to unite our country towards progress through compassion and empathy.  As with any new president, I hope that they find success in leading our country; I will give them my hope. But I will also make sure that those they are leading are heard, and that "We the People" is never threatened.

This adorable rockstar was standing on tables proudly displaying his sign all day long.  He made it himself. I snapped his picture with his (and his mom's) permission.

One of my favorite attractions at Walt Disney World tells the story of the United States of America. At one point, as the film leads up to describing our country at the dawn of the Civil War, says "'We the People' didn't yet mean all the people." Obviously, in this context, we are referring to people who were enslaved. I do not wish to take any focus, respect, or attention from this time in our history. I am choosing this phrase because still it is 2017 and "We the People" doesn't yet mean all the people.

This is why we march.

We have come away from where our country sat at the time of the Civil War, but we still have a long way to go. Donald Trump said in his inauguration speech that "we all share the same freedoms."  While he was right on his points that "we all bleed the same red blood" and share the same flag, I strongly disagree with his argument that all people share the same freedoms.

On Saturday, January 21, 2017, people all over the country and the world stood up for women. The Women's March on Washington has grown to a global phenomenon designed to "[build] and [empower] a persistent global network that will organize future campaigns and actions in support of progressive values including women's rights" (https://www.womensmarch.com/global/).  Emily and I participated in an official sister event here in Charlottesville, and we will continue to participate in making our voices and the voices of everyone heard.


I am standing up and marching for "We the People," to recognize, acknowledge, and honor that we are all people. No matter your experiences, your identity, or your intersectionality. We are all people.

Emily and I talk about this every day with endless conversations to check ourselves in our privilege and efforts to embrace all people. We fearlessly love each other and everyone for being who they are. We joined this march to perpetuate this kind of love and fearlessness for all. So that no one will be considered "other" and treated or given less because of that. We want to live in a world where fearlessly loving is not an option, but the norm.

"Restless one in a world of change
Keeping dreams aloft in the rain...
Spirit free, you must keep flying now
Reaching to touch the sky...
America, you must keep dreaming now
Dreaming the promised vow of your pioneers
America, keep on flying now
Keep your spirit free
Facing new frontiers...
Great bird, with your golden dreams
Flying high"

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M9Kvc2TxwKc

It's ok, let it make you misty eyed. Gets me every time.

The mini-march in full swing.

People rallying near the stage. There were several musicians and choirs, as well as religious leaders leading the crowd in scripture, song, prayer, and rally cries. 

Stronger Together. 

The guidelines for the rally and march. This was an event open to everyone and anyone, no matter belief or political affiliation. This was an event to stand together in peaceful solidarity with women and people all over the world. 

Gender Equality. Racial Equality. Economic Equality.

No matter who you voted for, we are all with Lady Liberty. 

Doesn't matter what you believe, we are pro-love. We aim to unify all people. 

The Battle of the Blankey

Oh my gosh. What an overwhelming response to my first post. Seriously--I'm so thankful to be surrounded with constant love and support. Emily and I have hit the jackpot in family, friends, and loved ones, that's for sure!  My first post was full of that lovey-dovey romance you might expect from a wedding blog. This time I'm going to take a different turn.

I have had a security blanket or "blankey" my entire life. Until I started going to school, I took my blankey everywhere I went. After that, even to this day, I still sleep with my blankey every night.

Blankey by my side.

From my College RA days: a couple residents and I with our blankets. 

My blankey has taken on a few different faces over the years. I started with the receiving blanket that came with a Winnie-the-Pooh baby bedding set. That met its demise when Mocha, our chocolate lab puppy, mistook it for a tug rope (don't worry, it got a proper burial in the back yard). I then switched to the quilt blanket from the same bedding set, which is the same one I still have today. It had to be reupholstered a few years ago, but it's still as trusty as ever.

Blankey as it looks today: New fabric over the main quilt with the original well-loved trim.

My blankey has become a notorious part of me, and has often been the butt of several teases from my family members. My sister Brittany even caught a 10-YO me using Blankey as a veil in an intense wedding make-believe session with a Kenny G album. My mom and grandma always used to ask me, when referring to my Blankey habits, "What are you going to do when you (actually) get married?"

Well folks, we've finally come to that point. And, if Emily had her way, I'm not sure Blankey would ever be allowed back in our bed.

The other morning, I caught Emily tossing Blankey begrudgingly aside as she made the bed. The reason for that? As she tells it, I was violently patting around the bed in my sleep looking for something. She thought it was a sweet gesture of looking for her and a few extra cuddles. As it turns out, that violent patting stopped as soon as I found Blankey and rolled over away from her.

This isn't the first time Emily has found a little resentment for my beloved fabric square. From the very first night we shared a bed, Emily questioned why Blankey was always stuffed under my head and between us. It also came up during our weekly prompt from our "pre-marital counseling" books (more about those in a future post). She established that her least favorite part of living with me was having to share bed space with Blankey. At least she was laughing hysterically to herself when she wrote about it.

Thankfully Blankey has become a source of humor during our bedtime routine, even if it is rooted in Emily's jealousy. Every night we share a few chuckles and teases as Blankey is settled between us.

And don't let her fool you! I've even caught her using one of our throw blankets to prop her head up in the same way Blankey does for me.  Even she can't deny true comfort.

So what does happen with Blankey when I get married? It keeps Emily warm when it's the only blanket we can find while staying in cold houses, and gives us the chance to add a few extra laughs to our day. And I promise that Blankey will be packed for cuddles on our honeymoon, not used as my veil.

Will You Marry Me?

I've tried to write blogs in the past. A few times, actually. And every one of them has ended after a couple posts. I lose interest. I'm hoping this time is different. A wedding blog is something that I've wanted to do ever since the amazing Molly Berry shared her journey to the "I Dos;" add her blog to the list of the million ways she's inspired me.

My hope with this blog is to share the good, the bad, and the ugly sides of wedding planning and the adventure that is happily ever after. Our chance to be vulnerable and real with you, and the opportunity to share any tips and tricks we discover along the way.

So. Obviously this is a wedding blog. Might as well start with how we got on the path to a wedding in the first place: the engagements. Yes, you read that correctly. Engagements, plural. We each proposed to the other on separate occasions.  Let's start with Emily's engagement.

From the moment I knew that I wanted to marry her, I knew that there was no place I would rather pop the question than at Walt Disney World. This was our place, a place that we enjoyed together and the place where I fell in love with her for the first time.  So, we planned a trip for August 2016 during her break between summer and fall classes.  We ended up with a 4-day whirlwind trip with enough magic to last a lifetime.

Speaking of magic...Disney is really good at sneaking magic in when you least expect it. Really, really good at it; almost to a fault. While booking the trip, I needed to know a few details about park operations to make my proposal plan operate flawlessly. I mentioned to the Cast Member that we would be getting engaged on this trip, and she made a note of it on our account. While I expected to be handed some free "Just Engaged!" buttons at check, I had no idea that WDW was implementing new ways to recognize guest celebrations.

When we arrived for our first day in the parks at Hollywood Studios, I touched my MagicBand to the entrance kiosk. Normally, the Mickey on the poles glows green if you have access granted; mine glowed hot pink. I was caught off guard, worried that something had happened to our tickets and that I wouldn't be able to get in to the park. The CM greeting us smiled and said, "everyone has something to celebrate! Enjoy your day!" I was confused, but I let it go.

Later that day, we scan in to Tower of Terror for our Fast Pass. This time, the Mickey glowed rainbow and started playing music.

CM: Congratulations!
Me: (utterly confused) On what?
CM: On your engagement!

Suddenly, it made sense why my MagicBand was showing different colors. Disney knew we were getting engaged, and the colors told the CMs what to celebrate with us. I panicked, turning to Emily to see if she had been paying attention. She shot me a puzzled look, but we were able to shrug it off. At least she had a pretty good idea of what was coming on this trip, so the surprise wasn't totally ruined. I still had the timeline on my side.

Fast forward a couple of days, and we set off to enjoy the day at the Magic Kingdom. We had scored early-morning reservations for breakfast at Be Our Guest, so we would be in the park before most other guests. I knew this would be perfect--we'd stop at a PhotoPass CM on Main Street and get the whole thing captured right in front of the castle without a thousand other people photo-bombing the shots.

We were running a little late because of busses, but I said to Emily, as we were hurrying through the park, that we should stop to gather a few pictures while Main Street was empty. She agreed to take the risk of being a few minutes late for our reservation. I slyly mentioned to the CM what was about to happen as we moved to pose for our photos. After he took the few traditional shots, he asked, "Are there any special shots you'd like me to get?" signaling me that he was ready.

I chose this spot in particular because of its placement in front of the castle, near the Tinkerbell fly line. The first time Em and I came to WDW just the two of us, I fell in love with the wonder in her eyes and child-like glow that found her when Tinkerbell flew from the castle to light the sky with fireworks. I even came prepared by painting her ring box with a small sparkling Tinkerbell.

Through a lot of happy tears, laughs, and endless smiles, I managed to ask her to make all my dreams come true with a little bit of pixie dust (her ring). And, obviously, she said yes! The people behind us in line for photos started cheering, and another guest walking by shouted "Oh my god! They just got engaged!" We spent the rest of the day enjoying the Most Magical Place on Earth blissful with each others company. We even managed to snag a couple of the discontinued "Just Engaged" buttons that our resort still had a small stash of.

When we got back to Cville, Emily got right to work searching for rings for me. She found this local artist/jeweler on the Historic Downtown Mall that made this super-unique bands that were everything I could dream of. As soon as they came in, she whisked me off to the car.  We drove about a half an hour, and she refused to tell me where we were going. Eventually, we pulled up to one of our favorite places in Cville, Hilltop Berry Farm and Winery.

We stopped at Hilltop on our first visit to Cville when Emily interviewed at UVA. We fell in love with the fruit plants and vineyards surrounding the tiny tasting house, with the whole property nestled at the base of the Blue Ridge Mountains. They have rocking chairs on their porch, and Emily told me on that first visit, that she wanted nothing more out of life that to enjoy each other in moments and places just like that.

So, naturally, we enjoyed a tasting and a few snacks that Emily had packed in those very same rocking chairs. She reminded me of the conversation we had on our first visit, and then asked me to officially spend our lives just like that. It was one of the most special moments of my entire life.

Fast forward to today, and we're 642 days away to our Most Magical Day on Earth. I know--it sounds like forever when you put a number on it. But we're enjoying every day as it comes and savoring every moment we have planning our Happily Ever After.

-L